If there is a word to describe how my 2024 went, it would be the following: friendship.
2024 was definitely not the easiest year for me. I went through my first year of PhD, through my first-year aptitude colloquium; which had resulted in some of the worst impostor syndrome phases of my life (and I'm also still struggling to get better from). I also broke more bones in my (other) foot this year, and I had to go back to crutches and physiotherapy sessions (also still ongoing now) -- now I have successfully obtained broken bones in both legs. but what do you know? it is now December 28th, 2024, and I went to a Muscle Pump class this morning -- and I am now officially a fully admitted PhD student, now in my second year!
Looking back, I did go through some very rough patches of my time this year. it's now especially tougher that some of my closest friends in Zürich had left for home by the end of last year. but if there is one thing I can be very grateful for this year, it's that it proved that the saying 'kalau ada cinta yang pergi, maka akan ada cinta yang datang' was true. It's true that I 'lost' some of the people closest to me -- in the sense that I don't have them physically anymore in Zürich, and that I could not just easily come over and talk to them whenever I needed to vent or cry. This year I received some 'new love' in the form of new friendships blossoming.
I'm very grateful that this year brought me new friendships in the form of my flatmates.
This year i and my flatmates finally managed to connect more -- we spent so many hours watching movies and series, cooking (this year is also the year where I started to get serious about cooking!), and taking trips near and far together. I started looking forward to spending more time together with them at home, being happier when it's time to leave work knowing that there is always someone to talk to (or for me: to yap at) at home, whether it's about how our day went or just about any random topics. I did not know that I could be such a yapper -- they somehow activated my yapper side, and I'm loving it. As I'm writing this, they are all away for the holidays, and I'm missing them so, so much. I have to admit that it's getting more and more horrible to wake up and sleep in an empty apartment, where I'm so used to hearing so much from everyone's conversations, videos from YouTube or TV series playing on the screen, or just any samba music playing in the background.
It's also lovely that this year brought me friendships in the lab. this year I was not the only PhD student to face the exam -- I also had my PhD sister and brother who started together in 2023 facing this ordeal together. I was the second student to do the exam in our research group, and it brought me the most serious impostor syndrome attack I've ever had and made me a completely anxious mess that somehow none of my experiments managed to work in the month before my exam came. I also somehow managed to skip the first departmental conference in my PhD because the day before the departure I managed to break the bones in my left foot. It felt like the entire period of June to early July was just complete chaos and it was not strange that I ended up feeling like a complete failure. But it's thanks to my PhD friends in the lab who made all these not so scary to face, for advising me on what to do when I faced repeated failures and teaching me methods I have not done before. It's also our last year together in LFW, as in January 2025 our lab will move to Hönggerberg. It has been a very historic period working in that building -- thanks to our huge kitchen, we could have culinary nights and even Halloween parties. anyway, we saw the new lab in August, and afterward, we went for a summer picnic at the Werdinsel. That was one of the fun things we did together this year -- and I'm sure that many more are coming.
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Before I wrote this, I listened to my Spotify 2024 Wrapped songs and I looked at all the photos and memories I made this year. Then I was certain that 2024 is one for the book -- one that braces my life in Zürich, one that taught me that I should not be afraid to be left alone and to lose the love I have given.
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I hope 2025 comes and brings the same (or even more) joy and happiness for us all.
